The title says it all. It has been awhile. A long while, but that’s what happens when life throws you a few curve balls. All the time that I’ve been absent from here, I’ve spent dealing with, well, life.
One of the last things I wrote on here was about getting fired from my job. Not exactly the best note to go out on, but it’s what happened. Since then, I haven’t really found a job, just some contract work. Not everything has been bad, though.
Because of the rather abrupt nature of losing my job, and new tensions between my father and I, I’ve since moved out of that decrepit old house, and bought another car! Well, Jo actually bought the car, and pays for the house that we’re currently in. I’m kinda just along for the ride, but hey, that’s how marriage is when only one of you can actually keep a job. It’d be funny if it weren’t so sad.
Now, I know that buying a car and throwing money at a rental property aren’t exactly the first things most people would do once they’ve lost their job, but it’s what we had to do to get out of there. Take on a little debt so we could have some semblance of a future on our own. Risky, but it’s what we had to do, plus we had to get a second car anyway. Hard for both of us to make it to work with one car, especially since most of the work I do is 60+ miles away.
Things are both better and worse now. In terms of happiness and independence, it’s the best we’ve been. We’re finally on our own. No roommates, no cramped room where we have to fight animals and the elements every night, or worrying about pleasing those who we live with/under. It’s just us. In terms of finances and anxiety, however, it’s not great. We have virtually no savings. All the money we have is going towards the various bills we have to pay now. Almost nothing is being saved. Sad thing is, even if I got a steady job, we most likely wouldn’t be able to save much more. That’s just the state of the world at the moment. I’m constantly up at night worrying if I can make enough to pay the few bills that I’m in charge of paying, and that’s just adding to the many worries that already keep me up.
I’ve put in application after application, but it’s yielded nothing. What’s weird is I’m almost glad that no ones called back. I can’t screw up and lose my job if I don’t have one in the first place. I seem aimless and afraid. I don’t know what to do, but despite the depression and anxiety increasing, I find myself happier over all. Isn’t that strange? It is, right?
I guess that’s the good news. I’m happier. This is in large part to my incredibly loving wife. I feel terrible that I’ve put her through all of this. I wish I could make it better, but I can’t. Never the less, she’s still here, supporting me in everything. Supports my creativity, my writing, and even my streaming. She supports it all. She believes in me. I just wish that belief would result in something monetary so I could take the load off her shoulders.
This post wasn’t meant to be depressing, in fact it was supposed to be uplifting because it’s the announcement that I’m coming back! I’m gonna be posting more. That’s good news, but it just happens to be surrounded by a bunch of not so good news. Either way, I’m back!
The Autistic Cowboy 