Diary Letters Religion

Letter Two

Disclosure: So, something weird happened. I felt compelled to write another book. I started writing it as a series of letters, which is why this is called Letter One. I three letters and 3,000 words in when I realized that it would work much better here, on the blog. So, if you see any mentions to it being a book, that’s because it was, but I changed my mind. I would go back and edit all of the references out, but I don’t know if that would work to well. Anyway, here it is!

Dear Reader,

Do you like where you are right now? In life, I mean. I know that may seem like a weird question, but I’m serious. Do you like where you are in life right now? It’s a simple question on the surface, but it becomes vastly more complicated the longer you think about. Take me, for example. Do I like where I am in life right now? For the most part, yes. I’m married to the love of my life, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. There’s a lot to like about that. At the same time, I don’t like where I am, due to the fact that I’m broke. I’m unemployed and stressed beyond belief, yet I find myself happier than when I was in high school or college. It’s crazy, I know, but that’s the way it is. I had more financial security back then, but I wasn’t happy. The world always seemed like it was falling apart, and I had to deal with it alone. It was a nightmare. Now, I don’t have to deal with it alone, and that makes everything so much better.

I’m even happier now than when I was a kid. I didn’t have a very happy childhood. I didn’t even really get to have a childhood. My parents’ divorce plus me being on the spectrum made for mixture that caused me to grow up very fast. I was always mature for my age, and because of this, I never got to be as a child. It sucked. That’s probably a reason I feel happier now than I ever did. 

There was one good thing about my school days, and that was that the world seemed a lot better of a place. Two terms of Obama made me believe that the world was changing for the better, despite people trying their best to undermine progress. If you would have told me then that not only would the US elect an orange nazi, but that facism would rise across the world, I might’ve laughed in your face. I didn’t believe it when it happened, yet it did. I still don’t understand how people can either be so evil or brainwashed as to think that this idiot is good for the country. Like, seriously, how has anything that he’s done been good for the country? 

Even though I wouldn’t be as happy, I would like to go back to those days. It wouldn’t be for myself, but for the happiness of others. The world wasn’t perfect back then, but it did seem like it had a lot more going for it. 

I wish there was something that I could do to change the world, but my voice means little to nothing. Even if I had the right message, no one would be able to hear. Sure they would be able, but it would never reach them. Do you know how frustrating that is? 

I don’t know how to fix the world, but I know of a lot of things that would make it better. They only problem is getting things from the idea stage to the actual implementation stage. Lots of people have good ideas, but good ideas don’t always get used. Often it’s bad ideas that get used and stay in practice. I don’t know if that’s due to human nature, or just bad luck, but that’s what we’ve been stuck with.

Shit’s so bad that people are wanting to result to extremes. People want to start a war! That’s crazy, but I understand them. When people get scared or feel cornered, they result to violence. Violence is a tool, but it’s not a tool that should be taken lightly. People are starting to feel that it’s the only tool they have left, but my question is, how are you going to use it? Are you just going to start killing people? What will that solve? If anything, violence will just lead to things getting worse faster. Revolutions don’t always work. Remember, the American Revolution was the exception to the rule. Think about what happened with the French. Sure, they had a revolution, but then what happened? A ruthless dictator seized power, and ruled over France with an iron fist. Not exactly the ideal scenario. We already have a guy who acts like a dictator. We don’t need an actual one.

With all of this going on, how am I happy? I guess the answer is that I’m not. I’m just happier. I am not happy that there are walls, cages, war, racism, etc. I’m not happy at all, but I’m a hell of a lot happier, personally, than I was back then. It probably has to do with the fact that I don’t have to go through this nightmare alone. Misery loves company, and for the time being, I’ve got plenty.

World events aside, are you happy with where you are right now? If not, then why not? There’s a lot to be unhappy about, but even then, there’s lots to be happy about as well. I mean, look at me. Lots of reasons to be unhappy. Unemployed, I flunked out of school, I seem to fail at everything, I’m broke, etc., yet I find myself with happiness. I find myself content. I’m not a man that has everything, but I guess I have what matters. I guess the real question is, do you have what matters in life? If you don’t, then maybe it’s time you go and get it, whatever it may be. Life is short, and also really shitty. It’s not something that’s easy to go through, especially if you’re unhappy. 

I don’t know. I’m rambling now, so I guess it’s time to end this letter. I hope that if you’re not happy that you find your happiness. I hope you find your hope. Without it, it’s going to be really hard to keep on going.


The Autistic Cowboy.